uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
