When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
