Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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