with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
