I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
