***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
