You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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