i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
