No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
