I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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