I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
