i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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