toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
