Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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