I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
