You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
