I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
