Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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