And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
