we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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