Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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