that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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