Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
