I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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