Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
