I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
