I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
