thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
