the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
