Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
