i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
