ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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