my shit smells like andre
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
