i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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