I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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