come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
