I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
