Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry about my life...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
