This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
