how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
