we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
