MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
