This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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