So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
