I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
