Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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