Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
