I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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