just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
