I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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