My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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