The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
