I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
