Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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