so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
